ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
