thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
