Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
