found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
