I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
