the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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