You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
