i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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