So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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