Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I could make wine with my vomit
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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