wakey wakey hands off snakey
its not stalking. its research.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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