You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
