I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
