I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
