hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
