after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
