he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
