Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
