I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
