the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
