there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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