Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
