found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
