I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
