he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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