last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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