I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
