dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
