Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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