Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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