did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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