it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
