I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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