i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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