Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
