I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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