i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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