bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
