I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
