Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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