I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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