the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
