Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
