Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
