he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
