why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize