why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
