when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
