smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
