We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
