I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
