also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
