Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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