I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
