No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
