I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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