my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
