So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
