3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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