i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
