So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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