i already hear my dad disowning me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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