theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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