I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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