You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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