I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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