We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
