oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
