True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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